em_brett: (do not like)
Finished the semester, home for a month, then off to the other side of the world.

I feel completely lost right now.
em_brett: (Default)
I woke up an hour ago, lounged around in bed for a little while, then had cereal and made my usual pot of tea. Within the time it took me to drink said pot of tea, I glanced over my notes and happily plugged out the last 400 words of my paper abstract. Contrast with last night, where the first 200 words of the abstract took nearly an hour (and a fairly teary one at that) before I realized that I had other work that needed to be finished right then and abandoned it for the night. I'm thinking it might be worth getting up (and going to sleep) even earlier these days.

All this, too, despite insomnia from, oh, 3:30 this morning until 6 or 7. Annoying Neighbor came home around 3:30 and proceeded to stand in the hall outside less annoying Neighbor's door, telling him loudly about how her best friend had gotten drunk for the first time in her life! and it was crazy!

People, 3:30 am is sleeping time. Not yelling drunkenly time -- that really ought to end by 1 in the morning. Please? I mean, it was brief so I didn't bother putting pants on and telling her to go away, but oh man insomnia sucks. I am so excited to get out of the dorm into a place that is quiet.

Still, the snow-covered trees are framing the Dome nicely this morning. Maybe if i ever have time again I'll go for a hike.
em_brett: (afraid of nothing hat firefly)
Finally! We've had a few flurries here and there but this is the first time anything's stuck. I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't see any this winter, since I'm to go home in 2 weeks and it rarely snows there.

I'm shifting into exams mode, which really means paper-writing mode. I've three ten-page research papers, a fiction portfolio, and a 24-hour take-home to take care of before I go home. I try to avoid going on and on about how much school is breaking me right now, but it's a difficult subject to avoid -- yesterday I had a thought that it wouldn't be all that bad if I just packed up my room and went home without writing any of my papers. Failing a whole semester's worth of classes wouldn't be so bad, right? It's been a lot of slogging through and taking the occasional half-hour break to cry and panic. Right now it doesn't seem so bad, but yesterday I read exactly one article for research. Not so good. When I called home, my mother was utterly unhelpful: all "well why don't you try x" and "well in two weeks it'll be over." True enough, but not particularly useful. Still, she's trying. J's trying, too, but she's getting over the swine and is understandably and perfectly reasonably mopey herself.

But there are, certainly, ups: last week I was home for Thanksgiving, which was wonderful as always, and mailed in my story to the Atlantic student fiction contest. Just have to cross my fingers until March now. I've told my parents that if anything comes from the Atlantic while I'm in Bali, they are to email me immediately with hopefully! good news. Oh, and other good news: two months til Bali. Yesssss.

Anyway, back to ignoring the big to-do about a recent incident on campus and doing some research. Will try to post more frequently in the future; don't count on it.

em_brett: (library)
Apparently when you hit shift+arrow left in Firefox, it navigates you back a page. When you go forward again, dreamwidth has dropped your post. Rewrite time!

My progress report for Humanitarian Intervention is DONE. That means in the next week I have only (only) to write a story, edit another story, write a blog post and comment on it for anth/wgst, and research and write the abstract for my anth/wgst paper. I also have to do things like edit other people's stories for workshop and do my reading. Also research my Indonesian paper and practice speaking.

In other news, the women-specific section of Kompas, which is an Indonesian-language online newspaper/publication, is entitled "Female." All this despite the fact that there is a perfectly good word in bahasa Indonesia, perempuan, for woman/female. Also all the photos are of non-Indonesian women. Bizarre. You can see for yourself here.

I think I just heard a fly buzzing around. Bitch, please -- I may be a vegetarian but that doesn't mean I have to care for flies.

em_brett: (library)
...I want to make sure you focus on it. Because it's going to be hard to give you a good grade on the language part of this class." Says my professor, at the end of our session today.

Oh dear lord. I'm trying, I really am, but there's no one to practice with and dear god this is difficult. I don't know why I am so intimidated by (a) learning Indonesian since it's not like anyone other than my prof. sees me screw up and (b) by my professor because it's not like he's Clifford Geertz or anything.

AUGH flee flee flee. (To the library! Or to class. Y'know. Same idea.)


Also I am afraid I'm getting sick and there is swine flu on campus. DO NOT LIKE.
em_brett: (library)
Putting off decisions about thesis, summer, that sort of thing; I can't really make an accurate or informed decision until I'm abroad anyway. My parents will be coming to visit at the end of my program, so if I want to go home or elsewhere with them, I'll be able to; similarly, I'll be able to stick around if I want.

Not thinking about my projects as much as I should be. I'm about to start attacking JSTOR for articles, so we'll see where that takes me.

Seeing Paul Rusesebagina (spelling?) speak tonight -- should be an interesting experience.

So yea. Slowly getting stuff done. Resisting the urge to ignore it all and nap.
em_brett: (dalek dance)
Today's word of the day is merambo, or merambokan, which translates to "to utterly destroy." Me and kan are affixes, the former signifying the word as a transitive verb. The latter is known as a benefactive. The root of the word? Rambo, like the character. See the connection?

Indonesian is awesome.

em_brett: (sunrise)
I have a lot of trouble making meaningful social connections.

No, that's not quite right. It's more of an all-or-nothing sort of thing, which is one of the reasons why I think I tend toward monogamous relationships. It is very easy for me to form a relationship in which one person means the world. What's harder for me is friendship: how do people navigate the grey areas of being close but not too close? What can you tell a friend and what can you not? What is too much information? What can you rely on them for?

It's why I spend a lot of evenings in, rather than going to one party or another. Social settings with tons of people who fit somewhere on the acquaintance----good-friend continuum, not to mention a whole bunch of strangers. Mix that with some social anxiety and you have a result that's not exactly my idea of a good time.

But then I also have nights like tonight, where all I really want is for someone to knock on my door and ask if everything's all right. But to ask it in a way that tells me that they already know and I don't need to explain to them that no, there is not a rational explanation for why I feel like curling up in my bed and doing nothing at all. But that would be overstepping the friendship bounds, wouldn't it? You say the word "depression" around anyone here and they shrink back, not sure what to do or how to help or even if they should help. It's almost as if they think "well, if I do something wrong I might break it, so I just won't touch it because that will help, right?" Even though it's that very thing, the not-touching, that makes this place horrible.

And so I curl up into a ball on my bed and wish that J were here, but know that I can't ask it of her because she has her own stress and her own life. To request she spend ten hours in the car this weekend on my behalf would be unfair. Tonight, while no fun, isn't a night where I absolutely need her here.

em_brett: (do not like)
Enter the To-Do list of doom.

Tomorrow, I must:
Practice speaking Indonesian
Meet with my professor to practice said Indonesian
Meet with my other professor to discuss my potential paper topic
Read the introduction and chapters 1&3 of Farmer, Pathologies of Power
Read a sizeable portion of Vickers, Bali: A Paradise Created

In the next week, I must:
Read the Maxwell story
Write a brief imitation of said story
Figure out what story to write my story on
Finish Vickers
Read Block, Pushed
Read the Menacker article
Write a blog post for class
Finish Farmer
Read and critique 2 stories for workshop
Practice Indonesian
Begin my story

Major things due in the next month:
Story for workshop
Progress report for faith-based interventions project
Abstract for sex in society paper
Read a whole lot of things about Bali so I can figure out on what to write that paper
Don't panic.

Ohgodohgod why am I doing this college thing?

em_brett: (elephant)
J came to visit this weekend and I made the world of food for her. First I made Mexican hot chocolate cupcakes (adapted from a couple recipes in Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, which seriously people, if you don't own it, you should) as a "congratulations you're employed!" present. They were awesome.

Then on Saturday we went to the Bennington Farmer's Market, where a wonderful baker gave us two baguettes for the price of one, and another farmer gave J two pablano peppers for free because she was admiring them while I was picking out acorn squash. She told him she was happy to pay for them, to which he replied, "sure, you could pay for them, but they're a gift." Farmer's markets and Bennington are some of the best places in the world.

Then we made soup!

So here are the recipes. The acorn squash, along with some beautiful purple carrots and a couple of parsnips, turned into the world of soup (seriously it made like 8 servings).

That recipe is here: )

The cupcakes were similarly awesome. Also spicy. Also delicious.

Also here. )

Recipes crossposted to [community profile] omnomnom , as usual.

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em_brett: (Default)
Emilia Brett

December 2009

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